It’s been an interesting last couple of months for me because I have been dealing with ALOT of really big emotions. Big big feelings that honestly have surprised me with their intensity, depth and length of time they have been hanging around.
Feelings of love and longing. Of sorrow and loneliness. Feelings of loss.
And lately I have found myself shedding tears for no apparent reason in the strangest of places. Simply put it has been a weird period, but obviously part of my journey towards greater self-awareness and wholeness.
And I have grown. I have definitely become more self-aware. In fact I have re-set one of my core beliefs that I have held dear since I was in my teens. Which is a pretty big thing. To realise that something you have been holding as truth for the last 35 years has been mis-guided and over-stated is a big thing.
The other thing that is interesting is that my new found basis of happiness and optimisim has held firm and is still rock solid. Which is doubly strange when you find yourself feeling these big emotions of sorrow and loneliness but still maintaining a general feeling of well-being and optimism.
But perhaps that is the learning – that happiness and optimisim are things you can build, develop and maintain whilst still having to weather feelings of sadness and loneliness. And maybe that’s where impermanence comes in.
That knowledge that what you feel is going to change and what you feel now will pass; whether that be joy or sadness.
Which means that things like happiness and optimisim can be more than simple feelings. They can be developed as traits, and that if you focus on maintaining them, protecting them and making them strong in you they truly can be that consistent foundation to your existence; irrespective of what you may be feeling.
Which is strange because it means that you can feel happy and sad at the same time; optimistic about your future whilst being sorrowful about your present.
This is the mystery of the duality of our existence. The mystery of being human. Of knowing one thing but feeling another. Of feeling one thing in a moment, but being challenged by the complete opposite an hour later. The battle between your “ying” and your “yang” for dominance and control.
But how can you deal with these big emotions when they hit? How do you bring them under control?
Well I don’t have a silver bullet because there isn’t one, but there are things that work for me.
Getting up and leaving the space I’m in is a good start. If I can go for a walk, or some sort of movement always helps. Whether that’s putting on my gym gear or just walking down the road for some food. It’s good to get out of your physical space to clear the mind.
But that’s the key really. You need to clear the mind of it’s clutter and fill it back up with positive thoughts.
A short meditation or breathing exercise is an excellent way to clear the mind if you can’t move. Even if it’s only 2 minutes.
By doing that and re-centering yourself by just focusing on your breathing means you can re-fill your mind with the right thoughts. And once your mind is clear, practising gratitude is a great way of filling your mind with the right thoughts.
Think of three things you have to be grateful for. For one person who means something to you today. Do a good deed for someone or say something nice to them.
Practise kindness to yourself. Remind yourself of three things you are proud of yourself about. Something you have achieved. Something you are becoming. A skill you are learning or simply the fact that you are one of the small group of people who choose to be better.
But back to my big feelings. I’m getting to understand them more and I’m getting to be able to manage them better. Inch by inch, play by play.
They cut across many dimensions of my life including my shame, my self-worth and love.
They bring me to tears and make me feel sorrow, but the fact that I “feel” so more deeply means that I am getting better and stronger. I am moving forward and becoming better.
And as I sit here and listen to the Imagine Dragons song “Whatever it takes” I am reminded and challenged. If you want a better life John, you need to be doing whatever it takes. And that means “whatever” it takes.
And being amazing is hard. Because if it was easy, everybody would be amazing. But they’re not.
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