The quality of our life depends on how we feel, and how we feel about ourselves. Those two elements, more than anything else, shape the lens through which we view our world and what we believe is possible.
To help you shape a better life for yourself, I wanted to share a simple journaling exercise I created, of four questions.
What do I want, to feel:
Start by asking yourself, what do I want to feel, about myself?
For me, I just wanted to feel good, and feel good about myself. I wanted to feel that I was good enough, that I was loveable and that I had all the skills I needed to navigate life without being controlled by anxiety and stress.
We are all different, and we all come from different experiences, but taking the time to ask yourself this, will help you better understand the outcome you are looking to achieve for your life, and what a better life will feel like.
What are my Values:
Then ask yourself, what are the values I need to live my life by, that are going to best help me achieve what I want to feel?
By values, I am referring to the standards that you are going to apply, and principles that will underpin the way you live.
For me, my two values are.
Love
Excellence
Love to me is patience and kindness. And those are the two ways I choose to treat myself and the people around me.
Excellence is the quality of my work, the way that I support the people around me and the way I look to bring “better than yesterday” to each new day.
What are my Beliefs:
Then ask yourself, what are the beliefs you need to hold that will best support the values you choose to live by?
For me, there are two.
There is nothing wrong with me
The universe is always working in my favour
A tip on how you may approach this question; ask yourself, what would be the one thing you would tell your younger self?
There is so much in this question because behind it lives your life learnings. Funnily enough, my answer was “John; there is nothing wrong with you”.
I have heard this several times before, but what made it different this time, was that rather than treating it as a one-off theoretical exercise, I chose to use it as a daily reminder to myself.
Try this for yourself. The results will surprise you.
What are my Daily practices:
Finally, you need to ask yourself what daily practises and behaviours are you are going to apply, to best support your Values and Beliefs.
For me, there are five daily practices.
Solitude
Gratitude
Health and Fitness
Learning
Getting better at my craft
We all have those things that contribute to a good day, and those things that contribute to a bad one.
This question is about writing down those things that make you feel good, strong and healthy and doing more of those.
Doing more of these healthy behaviours makes you feel better about yourself. This serves the dual purpose of leaving you less time for unhealthy behaviours and less of an inclination to indulge in those unhealthy practices you may have previously used to self-soothe.
Once you have answered these questions, change the order.
Start each day by reaffirming your Values, then your Beliefs and focus on executing your daily practices.
By doing these things and shaping your life around these priorities, you will start to get more of the things you want and more of the feelings you want.
And by focusing on the process of thinking the right thoughts and doing the right behaviours; the way you want to feel, about yourself, will get better.
The fantastic thing about our minds is that by doing different things and thinking different thoughts, consistently and persistently, we can change the lens through which we view our world.
We can move from a mindset of “what is wrong with me”, and “why am I unhappy”, and shift it to one of hope, optimism and feeling good about our life and ourselves.
All of these are entirely within our control because these are all changes that happen inside us. And when things change inside of you, things change around you.
In my world, this is a truth that has served me well. And if it works for me, it might work for you.
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